The Football Neutral World Cup: Iran vs Nigeria


Before we start… should you like the stuff that I write, do feel free to download my Football Neutral 2013/14 season review on Kindle.  Well over 300 pages of daftness. Less than £2! Thanks!

Pre Match:

Thank god we’re on the BBC. Rio Ferdinand, Neil Lennon and Phil Neville in the studio.  Mr Neville seems to have taken all of the criticism he got for the England game with good humour, bless him.  Can’t fault him for that.  Also, as Danny Baker pointed out: the BBC are rather to blame by taking a new pundit over to Brazil and giving him the England match as his first job.

That said, Phil Neville just used the phrase “he can catch pigeons” to describe a Nigerian player.  I don’t know what that means.

If we’re honest, this is the game that we’re looking forward to least out of all the opening matches, right?

I’d quite like to see Iran win.  I remember Leicester signing an Iranian fullback a few years back.  We expected a lot based on videos of him.  In reality he was five foot three and awful.

I was hoping it would be raining so an Iranian player would slide when changing direction and that I could make a really niche Prince of Persia reference.

Still no drawn games so far.  So now I’ve said that, this’ll be goalless.

The arm folding animations when the teams are announced really are stupid.

1: Based on the amount of time the camera spent on him prior to the match, Ashkan Dejagah is the best player in the world.

5: Well, at least the crowd are up for this.  I’m trying really hard to not remember that I have Watch Dogs to play on the Xbox One.

6: A Mexican wave is going around the stadium. Nobody cares about this match, not even the fans who are there.

8: All Nigeria so far. Really hoping that Shola Ameobi comes on and scores a sackful.

13: No idea how I’m still awake.

20: All the talk on commentary is of how to pronounce the name of Reza Ghoochannejhad.  I’d go with “Reza”.

25: That’s it, I’m having a nap.

Full Time:

Fucking hell.  Oops.

I closed my eyes for a bit hoping any excitement would wake me up.  It seems that there wasn’t any at all.


Watch Dogs time now.

Man of the Match: You if you managed to stay awake for it

Match Rating: 0/10


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